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Thursday, April 30, 2015

Rent an ISIS Terrorist for Your Hen Party!

Forget the stripping policeman, the sexy lumberjack, the horny vicar - the latest craze for Hen Parties is to hire an ISIS Terrorist! 
These jolly chappies will behead your guests and post the video on YouTube. 
If you opt for the deluxe package, they will bring along a brain-washed kid who has bombs strapped to his body and blow himself and the whole party to smithereens!

People Are Living Longer - Not Any More!

The media is full of statistics from scientists & population theorists stating that based on today's ageing population, that future generations will live longer.
The dozy twats have missed one main problem which will totally undermine and rubbish their theories and statistics: THE OBESITY EPEDIMIC (when I mention OBESITY I cannot help typing in upper case, because it makes the letters fat like OBESE people).
Yes these lard-arses are heading for early graves if they carry on gorging pies and cakes.
NO! It's not because you're big-boned!
NO! It's not because you have a thyroid problem (Levothyroxine medication discounts this excuse).
NO! It's not because you're stressed!
NO! It's not comfort food!
YES! It's because you're greedy and you eat too much. And the sooner these BELLY BEASTS realise this, and take responsibilty for their own actions, then they will continue to expand.
Naturally this has serious health implications, includes diabetes, heart conditions, chapped inner thighs,
Unfortunately, for one group of overweight children, much of the blame lies with parents.  They have only known fast-food and never watch any programs or read any literature on nutrition and health - so their children will follow the same life-style,
The other group usually become obese during teenage years.
The sad thing is these obese people hang out together, and tell each other how great they look. So they carry on eating.
FATTIES!

Friday, April 24, 2015

The Reasons for Delays Going Through Airport Security

Ever been stuck in a queue going through airport security and wondered why there are always hold-ups?
The reason is a large percentage of stupid, moronic, brain-dead passengers, whose idea of multi-tasking is snoring in their sleep are so thick they can't see the obvious.
They reach airport security personnel, and are asked,
   "Do you have any liquids in your hand-luggage?"
The stupid buggers, reply "Uhhh, oh yes." They then take five minutes going through their bags.
The next thing they are asked is if they have a belt, and of course they do, more delays. Next comes the watch, then coins in their pockets, etc, This all takes time.
These delays can be avoided if these morons deal with these jobs while queueing. They could stash their coins, watches, belts etc. in their jacket pockets or in their bags.
FFS stop delaying me!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jeremy Clarkson: Latest Headlines ...

HE'S STILL A TWAT!