Is Seaweed the New Lard?

They're all raving about seaweed! They say it's the new super-food, full of vitamins, nutrients, and it can clean out your shitter!
Well CFTS's intrepid reporters tell a different story. They've discovered that seaweed comes from the ocean or the beach - a little-known fact hidden from the public, by these purveyors of this green shite. Most shoppers believe it comes from shops or web-sites.
Further research by our wonderful CFTS's reporters have demonstrated that most seaweed is soaked in kipper-piss and scampi turds and can cause you to vomit when used as a sexual lubricant.
The NEW LARD! What utter tripe! What nonsense. How can this slimy, disgusting muck replace the wonders of LARD???!!! They say Lard inspired Einstein and that great DJ, Jimmy Savile.
Look at the images below, and tell CFTS what you'd rather have sex with.

 LARD

SEAWEED - but looks like turds