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Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Jose Mourinho is a Portuguese Dwarf Hermaphrodite

After the Everton game last Sunday, it was discovered on Sunday night that the manager/manageress of Chelsea FC, Jose Mourinho, belongs to a rare species of Dwarf Hermaphrodite, which sometimes habitates the caves along the Algarve Coast. [A hermaphrodite is an organism that possesses both male and female sex organs. On very rare occasions, these dwarf hermaphrodites can even impregnate themselves.]
Last Sunday night, the caretaker at Goodison was sweeping up the empty bribe-envelopes from the referee's changing room, when he noticed the Chelsea manager passionately embracing himself in a corner. The stalwart Goodison employee, quickly retreated, allowing Jose to complete full intercourse with himself. A spokeman from the Royal College of Dwarves, has confirmed that Jose Mourinho is pregnant. Later, in a statement to the mirror (not the newspaper, his house mirror). Jose said he was delighted with the pregnancy, and freely admitted it was only a matter of time before he would conceive, following a life-long love affair with himself.

Mr. Jose Mourinho's wardrobe by The Munchkins of Oz.

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Time To Trash Those eBay Robbers

With the growth of Blogging, will come the growth of Blog buying and selling, and we will see the demise of those robbers eBay. The selling fees they charge are extortionate. So Bloggers will be able to buy and sell with just postage charges involved.I have my own ideas and would welcome other Bloggers who have thoughts on the subject. I believe we can organise like a catalogue, with similar bloggers attaching to various buying and selling items, and access via a blog index. Come on Bloggers - we can do it!

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Saturday, December 09, 2006

Liverpool FC - The Myth Exposed - Murderers

I am from Liverpool and proud of it. I also admit to being an Evertonian. But what I can't stand is that sanctimonious, vulturesque figure of Phil Thompson spouting off every week on Sky Sports about it being Liverpool FC's God-given right that they deserve success, because they are such a traditionally great club. OK, lets look at their tradition. We are well aware of their trophies they've won under Shankly & Paisley - and fair play to them. But let's look at some of the greatest tradgedies that have occurred in British football that have involved Liverpool Football Club. First there was the Heysel Stadium Disaster. The European Cup Final between Liverpool and Juventas, played at Heysel in Belgium 29th May 1985. This is when Liverpool supporters attacked a section of the ground that was officially no-man's land. There were no hard-core Juventas fans in this section: familes and mixed nationalies. Irish witnesses saw Liverpool thugs use poles they found under the hoardings of the stands and attack these defenceless fans. 39 were murdered: 32 Italian fans of Juventus FC, 4 Belgians, 2 French and an Irishman. Of course, the state of the ground was blamed. The British police undertook a thorough investigation to bring to justice the perpetrators. 17 minutes of film and many still photographs were examined. TV Eye produced an hour-long programme featuring the footage and the British press also published the photographs.
There were 27 arrests on suspicion of manslaughter – the only extraditable offence applicable to events at Heysel. Approximately 60 per cent were from Liverpool and the remainder from places that ranged from Aberdeen to Ipswich. Some of these people had previous convictions for football related violence. In 1989, after a 5-month trial in Belgium, fourteen Liverpool fans were given 3-year sentences for involuntary manslaughter. Half the terms were suspended and it is unclear how many served their sentences. Yes, Mr. Phil Thompson, you never mention Heysel when you talk of Liverpool FC's great tradition. And you know, what bailed Liverpool FC out of this shameful act? The Hillsborough disaster four years later on 15th April 1989. Oh yes, it was the police, and inadequacy of the ground that were to blame here. Nothing to do with 5,000 drunken Liverpool supporters, boozing before the game, no tickets, then rushing the gates. BUT, we can't say this in public - we are castigated, we are disgraced! But I am saying it because it is the truth - and those low-lives that perptrated this dreadful act that killed 97 innocent people should be exposed. So all you Liverpool supporters and aspiring Liverpool supporters - remember your tradition, but also remember your murderous acts of the innocent defenceless people.

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