NEWSFLASH: Tories Contract Brown Tongue !!

News services around the world are confirming reports of an outbreak of the highly contagious disease 'Brown Tongue' among the shadow cabinet. William Hague, the shadow foreign secretary was discovered in a Kings Cross public convenience suffering from a high fever and excessive salivation. His tongue was covered in fecal matter belonging to the leader of the opposition, David Cameron. Cameron later confirmed that Hague, who was totally unnoticed gargling in a public lavatory, decided on a bowel evacuation. As there was no toilet paper, Hague offered to tongue his leader. This outbreak will mean a cull of the shadow cabinet to avoid the disease spreading throughout the House.

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William Hague Bowel Evacuation Fecal Matter

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England Scrape Through To Rugby World Cup Final

This was a case of France losing the game rather than England winning it. The French gifted winger Josh Lewsey with an easy try after the French fullback slipped. French were the much better side, and only some very lucky defending enabled the English to secure a very unlikely victory. South Africa, who play Argentina tonight, will win their game convincingly and destroy England in the final. Prediction of cup final score: England 12 South Africa 28.

You heard it here folks!

The Rugby Master

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