Ravishing Beauty Caught on Camera at a Dublin Bus-Station

Hard to believe but this gorgeous, lithe, sex-bomb was spotted wandering around a Dublin Bus Station, unattended! What's puzzling us is the complete lack of hoards of adoring fans following her around. However CFTS's intrepid reporters managed to corner her. A little shy at first at the sudden attention of the world's media, she gradually opens up and grants us a 5 minute interview. She wanted to remain anonymous, so we will refer to her as SB - Sex-Bomb. But her real name is Dump Truck.

CFTS: My first question, and probably the question on the nation's lips, is how do you keep in shape?

SB: I just keep to my daily routine, morning noon and night. (flutters her eyelids)

CFTS: Will you let us into your little secret and explain your daily routine?

SB: I never sleep in and always up before midday. Then I work-out.

CFTS: A work-out? Jogging? Pilates?

SB: (Smiling) No silly (thumps me on the collar bone which nearly dislocates my spine) ... that's for skinny tarts. You can get plenty of exercise in the kitchen. I tear open 5 packets of Jaffa cakes and drink a bucket of diet coke. I then dice 8 lb of sausage meat and fry it with a dozen burgers. While it's cooking I take a huge dump but making sure I'm eating 2 kilo of lard ice-cream while I squat on my double-seated toliet

CFTS: Interesting breakfast.

SB: This keeps me going until lunch at noon.

CFTS: You make me sick (projectile vomit into SB's face) Now fuck off and die.

Oscar Pistorius: OJ Simpson Without Legs

Yes folks - lets wait for the circus to begin! The No-Legged Twat will get clean away with the gruesome murder of his girlfriend  because of his celeb status, and the complete bungling by those morons in the South African Police Department. His defence will claim that evidence was tampered with, and that Oscar is such a nice guy and does a lot of work for charity.
OJ Simpson set the precedence for these sick and ridiculous miscarriages of justice when he too was cleared of the obvious murder of his wife.
What actually makes me laugh, is that Pistorius' family believe his absurd story, and claim Oscar would never lie to them.
What they forget is, once a murder is committed, lying because trivial matter.
On a personal level, I look at these murder cases and wonder how rare it is for the perpetrator to actually own up to the crime and accept the punishment due to them. Simpson and Pistorius have committed these murders and are absolutely guilty - but they claim innocence and make up ridiculous stories to protect their pathetic lives. Where is their pride, their manhood and their souls? These are not men, but cowardly empty shells of some warped life-form.
I sincerely hope when they come to meet their maker, they will be consigned to the flames of hell and be tortured forever.

Oscar Pistorius OJ Simpson

Penis to Sue Owner for Years of Abuse and Maltreatment

CFTS's intrepid reporters have uncovered the story of a lifetime. In the sleepy village of Spit-n-Coff near Underbelly Entrails, Gravelshire, they have revealed that a penis has formally accused his owner, local pederast and former Chief of Staff Colonel Major-General Grindley Jericho Ruffitandslide, of years of abuse, physical and mental torture as well as sarcasm and bad jokes.
The penis, who would like to remain annonymous is using the alias Nobby Bawls, for fear of retribution and ridicule, made the complaint after its foreskin became stuck in his owner's trouser zip following a bustop 'quick one off the wrist' session during rush hour.
The court date has been set for sometime in the future
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PS CFTS have now found the Penis' true name: it is in fact Nobby Balls