Penis to Sue Owner for Years of Abuse and Maltreatment

CFTS's intrepid reporters have uncovered the story of a lifetime. In the sleepy village of Spit-n-Coff near Underbelly Entrails, Gravelshire, they have revealed that a penis has formally accused his owner, local pederast and former Chief of Staff Colonel Major-General Grindley Jericho Ruffitandslide, of years of abuse, physical and mental torture as well as sarcasm and bad jokes.
The penis, who would like to remain annonymous is using the alias Nobby Bawls, for fear of retribution and ridicule, made the complaint after its foreskin became stuck in his owner's trouser zip following a bustop 'quick one off the wrist' session during rush hour.
The court date has been set for sometime in the future
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PS CFTS have now found the Penis' true name: it is in fact Nobby Balls