Adopt a Glacier

CFTS's intrepid reporters have revealed that the world's glaciers begin to melt when it's very hot. In the last 100 years, glaciers have been found to melt in summer and freeze in winter. During that time, 5 pints of water have drained from the glaciers, and polluted our very oceans. To stop this meltdown and protect our endangered glaciers, and to stop water entering our oceans, CFTS in partnership with SHAG (Stop Heating All Glaciers), have come up with a scheme whereby ordinary & pathetic members of the public can adopt their very own glacier.
For just £200 a month and a bucket of ice-cubes, you can have your very own adopted glacier.
You may ask, 'what do I get out of it?' Or you may not.
Well folks you will receive:

• a signed copy of Garry Glitter's latest autobiography
• the opportunity to name your glacier
• up to date news on your pet glacier, including progress at school, and sexual activity
• annual visits to your glacier (at your own expense)
• and have the satisfaction in knowing you have nothing to do with protecting the environment.

For further information, send more money.