SURROGATE SHOPPER NAMED!

The mysterious figure in the controversial Surrogate Shopping case has been discovered & photographed in her hideaway by a CFTS undercover investigative journalist. She has been living with knackers in their caravan site, in Mahon, a suburb of Cork City. She is none other then Shelley "Mama-White-Trash" Bourbon-Gutbucket. Bourbon-Gutbucket was paid €5000 by Mr. & Mrs. Nebucadenazzer to be their surrogate shopper. The Nebucadenazzers have been trying to shop for several years without success. Becoming increasingly desperate they made the decision to advertise for a surrogate carrier. Bourbon-Gutbucket answered their call. The Surrogate will carry their shopping for nine months in her own bags, with a donour Tesco Clubcard from Mr. Nebucadenazzer. When the news first broke there were massive protests from right-wing shopping groups who see this move as an infringement of their shopping rights, and Bourbon-Gutbucket quickly went into hiding. The Nebucadenazzers have received huge support from the Dial-a-Curry Couch-Potato brigade who are currently organising a sit-in. The Supermarket Check-Out Girls Association (SCOGA) have voiced their own concerns: "What will happen after 9 months? Will the surrogate return the shopping, or will she become too attached to the clubcard?" CFTS questioned Shelley "Mama-White-Trash" Bourbon-Gutbucket as to her future shopping intentions and what she intends to spend her €5000 euro on. She replied: "Am gonna shop all right, but not for those Fuckindenazzers. Am gonna buy me Jack Daniels and am gonna drink me Jack Daniels till I am very drunk and very sick. Now piss off!" Ms. Bourbon-Gutbucket's wardrobe was designed by B&Q.

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