POLLUTION HAVOC IN NORTH WALES!

The Welsh Environment Agency was in turmoil last weekend, we can reveal today, as it began a frenzied investigation regarding the origins of a catastophic pollution incident.
reports emerged some twelve months ago regarding the highly developed physical characteristics of children in the tiny hamlet of Ty-Nant in Snowdonia. Doctors were puzzled as to why Gutto Rees, top left, a 7 year from the village, was displaying the features more associated with a 20 year old man. In the following months anglers fishing in Lake Bala reported and photographed some extraordinary catches. The pictures above show Alf Tupp from Warrington proudly displaying the 42lb Perch, Perca fluviatilis, he caught whilst trolling for Lake Trout at the southern end of the lake, the previous British record was just 5lbs 12 oz. More dramatic is the picture of a Gudgeon estimated to be in excess of 700lbs found dead in the lake's shallows, the previous record for this species, Gobio gobio, was a mere 4oz 4dms captured in Leicestershire's tiny river soar.

The Agency's investigation centres on a small gymnasium frequented by gay men, perched on the banks of the upper reaches of the tiny RiverTwrch,(see pic), which eventually discharges into Lake Bala. It was discovered that the premises are not connected to the main sewers, and the cesspit serving the property, which was also used for swimming, on special party nights, had not been emptied for years, the result being that high levels of testosterone and anabolic steroids are effectively being discharged straight into this once pristine stream. The Gymnasium has now been served with a court injunction banning it from offering watersports parties until levels of hormone, now thought to be at danger levels in the whole of the Snowdonia water table, have been reduced to a level compliant with a recent E.C. directive.

It appears that many of the former Gym's users have moved to Coalville in Leicestershire where their bizarre habits will have little environmental impact as the area is already polluted beyond redemption.

Judged Cats has been awarded the Carte D'or Journalism Award 2006, for his service to investigative journalism

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