Comb Breakage Devastation

CFTS supremo, Sup Remo, woke up this morning to discover his black hair comb, which he kept in his back pocket, had broken in half.
It's been reported that an uncombed and inconsolable Mr. Remo was  being comforted by family and close friends at his Chernobyl residence. Please respect Mr. Remo's privacy during this sad and emotional time.
The comb will be cremated early next week in a private ceremony. Please send flowers to the florist.

Hitler is Granted Bail

.... breaking news. Para-Olympian Adolf Hitler has been granted bail after being arrested for suspicion of murdering 6 million  Jews in his South African apartment on the outskirts of Pretoria.
Mr. Hitler, who has to wear prosthetic testicles while competing in the 200m and 400m events, had been dating the six million Jews since November 2012. On the 13th February 2013, the six million Jews stayed the night at his apartment, and later the following morning the police were called, to find the six million Jews shot dead in the bathroom.
Mr Hitler, an avid snooker fan, claims he heard noises coming from the bathroom. He wasn't wearing his prosthetic testicles at the time, and feeling very vulnerable, took his gun and went to investigate. Thinking his date was still in bed, he fired 24 million shots into the bathroom door. It was only then he realised the six million Jews were not in his bed.
His bail was granted as it was believed he would not be a risk to hamsters.

Chefs Dancing On Ice

I really think there are not enough food progams or dancing shows on TV.
To remedy the situation, our intrepid reporters from CFTS have the solution: TV Chefs Dancing on Ice. One partner could hold a lit primus stove and pan, while the other adds the ingredients and cooks it up while performing their ice-skating routine.
Judges could then award points for best meal and best dance. If a dance couple don't agree with their points they can throw the disgusting contents of their pans into the faces of the judges, scalding their faces and burning their eyes out.

Drying Your Arse

Have you ever noticed when you get out of the shower or bath, you always ensure you give your ring-piece a good drying? After all, there's nothing worse than a damp rusty bullet-hole rubbing against your skiddies..
But hey! Wait a minute! What about your arse-cheeks? These are often forgotten in favour of the chocolate star-fish. It always appears to me that the ring-piece is the spoilt sibling of the buttocks. It gets all the attention with the pampering, drying and talcum powdering.
So next time you have your monthly wash - give those arse-cheeks a good drying and show that arsehole next door that it's not the only kid on the block.

Oscar Pistorius Murdering Bastard

According to the prosecution, Oscar Pistorius shot his girlfriend 4 times.

In his defense, Pistorius stated the first 3 were false starts.