IMPOTENCE.....FINALLY UNDERSTOOD!

A cure for impotence came within the grasp of humanity last week. The condition, often put down to depression or having an ugly partner has now been directly linked to a newly discovered virus, it can be revealed today.

For years, a group of scientists have been working on a 'spike' of incidence of this apalling condition at and around a biscuit factory in Ramsbottom, Lancs. A breakthrough came after the discovery of a previously unidentified virus, (pic top left), was discovered in profusion in the 'chocolate brownie' mix. Further investigation traced the virus back to the faeces of a flour weevil found only in the damp climate of England's north west. It is thought that thousands of packets of Brownies and Rich Teas have been contaminated and that the problem has been a chronic one of many years duration.

A Lancashire health official has issued the following advice, "Whilst not life threatening, impotence can cause years of misery." He went on, " We urge anyone who has bought a packet of biscuits bearing the 'BUG'S CAT' trade mark, to return them to the manufacturer and obtain a refund."

The home office is reported to be buying up all retuned contaminated packs for distribution in Her Majesty's Prisons where increased impotence is likely to prove a boon.

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